Nev,
I pick up the phone and make a call, bursting with
so much anger it can be heard in my voice; ‘you said you’d be here in 5 minutes
and that was an hour ago’. ‘Baiiibe, I am on a bajaj, I will be there in less than 2 minutes’ I hear on the other
end of the phone and a piece of me dies inside.
I don’t know why I even bother with you anymore because
all the signs show that you have moved on. This is the nth time you have made
me wait for you hours on end yet you said that you would be there in 5, and I
have lost track of what number n is.
You still have the same job so I am baffled by the
fact that all you seem to do of late is work. You even cancelled the Lantern
Meet recital at last minute because you got a work emergency yet you know how I
hate to attend events by myself.
I refuse to believe that I am being THAT girl, the
one that wants a guy’s attention every second of every day and will do anything
to get it. I however deserve some respect Goddamit,
I am someone’s daughter. That‘s not asking for a lot, is it?
Sometimes I think to myself and wonder what could
have gone wrong? Where is the amazing Nev who used to pass by my workplace with
a bar of Twix and a speech to convince me that I will not gain weight from
eating it even when we both knew that was a lie?
When what used to be the primary source of your happiness
brings you nothing but sadness, how are you expected to wake up every day and
act as though nothing was wrong? May be it was not meant to be but does it
have to be this painful? There has to be a more civil way of doing things.
I see how you look at the waitresses when they come to
take our order these days, and I ask myself ‘were we always served by waiters?’ Out of the blue, you are always complaining about how loud I am
yet I have actually reduced the volume at which I speak because I did not want
to embarrass you.
Woe unto the person that said February is the
month of love because all it has brought me is misery. Like the Black Eyed Peas
sang, ‘Where is the love?’ I used to think ‘rainbow’ when I thought about us
but now all I see is faded colors and not the good kind that is tie and die but
the kind that jeans get when they are shouting for retirement.
I don’t know what went wrong but somewhere along
the way we faded, and I can’t seem to find a way to fix it; heaven knows I
have tried.
I despair at the thought of losing you, but it looks
like I have lost this battle.
Pearl.